You are an expert at suffering. On a quest to play The Victim, you do everything for everyone. Then you make them all jump thru hoops to prove to you that you deserve to be compensated.
That’s because you were taught early on that you are not allowed to simply ask for your needs to be met. The gods call for a sacrifice first. You must accumulate enough ‘victim credits’ before you are allowed to get any satisfaction.
You watched your mother and your mother’s mother martyr themselves for decades. Living in the “poor me” mode. Doing and complaining. Saying “yes” instead of “no”. And punishing everyone in their wakes.
Guilt-ed into believing that you must earn the right to ask for nurturance, women look for all possible opportunities to add to the pile of victim credits.
Agreeing to go to that event with your husband even though you will hate it. You can use that one later when you’re feeling unappreciated.
Driving your kids wherever and whenever they want. Those credits come in handy when you are exhausted and overwhelmed.
And still doing and doing while you have a 102 degree fever. That gets you EXTRA victim credits.
I feel awful that you are victimizing yourself. You’ve got to stop this unhealthy behavior. You must figure out what you want and find your voice. And you need to break the cycle of generations.
Today, you will start taking care of yourself and telling your husband and your kids what you need from them. If you need a hug, ask. If you need alone time take control and get the babysitter yourself. If you want the last drumstick on the plate just take it instead of making sure nobody else wants it first.
And the next time you say “yes” you will not punish them for it later. Or, you will do what men were taught to do instead: Just say, “NO”.