People throw the word trust’ around but have no idea what it actually means. Trustworthy is just code for being dependable’. And your trust bar’ is based on the amount of dependability you require from another person in order to feel satisfied in the relationship.
If your trust bar’ is so high that nobody can reach it you are always going to be disappointed with your relationships. It is healthy to be dependent on someone dependable. But NOBODY is dependable ALL of the time.
And everything is not all about you. When your partner fails to meet your needs it doesn’t mean a betrayal of trust. Nobody can ALWAYS be trusted to meet your needs or be there for you. As they say, “shit happens” and we have to learn to assess our relationships on the whole.
For instance, if I tell you I am going to do something for you today and I forget or something came up at the office does that mean you cannot trust’ me?
If I chose not to share certain private events that occurred in my life before you and I met, and you find out about them, does it mean you cannot trust’ me?
Your trust in someone should never be absolute. It should ebb and flow based on the circumstances and the person. Folks are dependable for some things and not for other things. They may be trustworthy most of the time. But promises can always be broken and even those we love have boundaries and secrets if they are healthy human beings.
Stop freaking out just because your partner is imperfect. Your trust bar’ needs to be flexible or you are going to be feeling lonely and depressed.
At the end of the day, the true person you need to depend on and trust is yourself. You are the one who has to decide whether or not your partner’s level of dependability will be fulfilling for you.
So when I say to you, “Trust me”, don’t just do it because I’m the doctor. First think about everything I’ve done and said since we’ve met. And then trust in YOU to make that assessment yourself.