Women are having too much non-sex. That’s the kind of sex that you think is sex but really isn’t sex. You are subjecting yourself to non-sex because nobody ever told you the definition of having sex’ to begin with.
So…Here it is: The true definition of sex is ANY activity that is intended for YOUR sexual arousal’. Hmmm…So let’s take a little quiz, shall we?:
If I am performing oral sex for my partner and I am not sexually aroused by the act, am I having sex? Answer: No.
If I am participating in sexual intercourse but am not sexually aroused am I having sex? Answer: No.
If I am encouraged/forced to perform acts that I do not find sexually arousing even while my partner is having sexual pleasure, am I having sex? Answer: No.
If my partner and I are kissing and touching each other with our clothes on and I am sexually aroused, are we having sex? Answer: Yes
If I am masturbating and am sexually aroused during the process am I having sex? Answer: Yes
Are you getting the picture?
It is high-time that we change the way we understand intimacy and it starts with teaching young people to understand the point of sex: To have sexual pleasure for your partner AND for yourself!
I hear all the time about teen and pre-teen girls engaging in sexual behavior without any clue that their own arousal is part of the process. I firmly believe if they got the message that sex is about having control of your body and that it should ALWAYS be pleasurable, they would think more before having it. And if young boys understood this, they would be aware of how girls are feelings and think twice before making it all about them.
I know it is scary for parents to hear what I’m saying. Everyone’s thinking: How can I talk to my 11 year-old about sex? And if I do talk about sex and orgasms, won’t that mean she’ll be more likely to experiment with something she shouldn’t be doing at such a young age?
The truth is you are doing more harm than good by not teaching your children about orgasms and sexual pleasure. And you already know they will have sex whether you talk to them or not. So why not stack the deck in their favor?
Maybe then there’s a chance sex will be better for them than it was for you.