It is amazing how much my patients pay me to ignore my advice. I make suggestions week after week and they do everything in their power to avoid doing things differently. They act as if simply coming for therapy and chatting with me will somehow magically make change happen. The reason for this is simple:

Humans resist change.

Sigmund the crazy Austrian wrote dozens of essays on this topic.

I definitely subscribe to the belief that you must identify the reasons why you think and feel the way you do if you are going to change. The first goal of psychotherapy is to gain insight. And I do believe that it take a lot of time before folks are ready to change. I am a patient therapist. I can hang in there with you.

But as much as I hate to admit it, the behaviorists are right: All the insight in the world does not change behavior. You have to use your insight and make it a part of your every waking moment if you are going to follow-through with making change in your life and relationships. Being aware isn’t enough.

Your unconcsious desire to maintain the status quo will beat you if you don’t DO something to support change. You must be prepared. You must set yourself up for success by doing things differently all day long.

This is not really about will-power because you really don’t want to change. Change goes against human nature. If you accept that you are working against nature, maybe you will work a little harder to overcome it.

Your therapist can help you understand what’s holding you back but only YOU can move yourself forward.

And if that doesn’t work…I’ve got a bag of magic beans I can sell you.